How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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