My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We need to rekindle our bromance
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
