Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
