I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
