i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
