come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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