I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
