If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
