If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
