i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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