I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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