We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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