Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
