I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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