he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
