i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
