I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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