I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
