if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
