when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
