please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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