Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
