I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
