Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
