I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
