I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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