I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
