Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
