I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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