We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
