This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dignity is for republicans.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
