I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
