she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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