I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
