I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
