when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
