Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We talked him into tasing himself.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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