My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
