Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
