On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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