peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
