I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
