all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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