I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
