Umm I'm too high to move.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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