my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
