And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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