Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
