I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
