and i looked up. we had an audience...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
