i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
