Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You have to summon your inner elephant
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
