no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
