i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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