We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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