So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
