I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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