I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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