I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
