I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
