This is not my ceiling
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think people are normalizing furries
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
