he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
