The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
