The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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