I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
