he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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