He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
