At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
