she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
