the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
