Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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