Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Watching her eat just hurts me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
